Seems Like Loss

I scream when I’m alone
Crying in the darkness
All the pain is such a sharpness
Pushing me away
I’m not going okay

Seems like I’ve lost you now
It felt more real than before
You told me that you loved me
Now I’m not so sure
We wanted a life
It felt so raw
The future held so much for us
Now I’ve lost my trust

My heart is cold alone
You don’t seem to care much now
I don’t understand
Wanna talk but not allowed
Pushing me away
I’m not going okay

Now it’s a race
To give you space
I thought my love meant so much
It means nothing
And now I’m lost, too many feelings

Seems like I’ve lost you now
It felt more real than before
You told me that you loved me
Now I’m not so sure
We wanted a life
It felt so raw
The future held so much for us
Now I’ve lost my trust

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Exchange

I pray for the opportunity
To die……
To give me a chance to die for someone else
Mainly because I just don’t want to be here
But I would rather exchange my life for another
Maybe they’ll do better than I
It seems most others do
Others see the bright side
Or they’re living in an imagination world
Blinded by their ignorance
I see the world for what it is
The world is failing and I don’t belong
I will never belong it seems
I’m just too different to be accepted
All the vices that keep others going
Living in their own false world
They think they’re alright but deep down they’re not
I can see the reality of how the world is dying
It affects me and also brings me down in different ways
I consciously or not, offer my help
Thinking of others while they treat me like I’m nothing
Even when I try not to help I can’t control my willingness
I doubt most will see how they treat people like me
Caught up in their own whirlwind
The world made up of materialistic and fake values
I’ve been a survivor but for how much longer
Let me let go of all that I know
And just leave this place
I can’t go against your will but I can ask
Ask for the exchange of my life for another
And each day I’ll continue to look for that opportunity
The only thing that drives me to keep going
Drives me to the end of this world and into the next

Fall into the Next Nothing

Everyday is just another step in a thought process
Thoughts and processing of ways to end
The convenience of living twelve storeys high
Looking down on the pending doom
The feeling of sudden impact
The thoughts of life before the black
I don’t think there would be much to think about
Except all the failures and mistakes
The hope and subsequent disappointments
All should be expected with no surprises
Yes to get kicked down and try and try again
But in the end it’s all for nothing
Keep smiling and keep getting up
But for what end?…….
There’s no point to anything
No direction, no real goals, unless they are ones you wish to fail at
No sense of belonging
A world that doesn’t want you or need you
A world you could never fit into
Even family is gone, nothing
Something you thought would always be there
But they’re just another failure where you don’t belong
There is nothing in this world for me
Nothing to tie myself too
Nothing to live for
There may be a lot of temporary things
But why bother when at the end of that temporary happiness
It suddenly goes back to emptiness, failure and regret
Just let go of life and fall into the next unknown
And be nothing in the next failure

Realised Reality

It’s time….
To let go of hope
Hope always ends with disappointment
Optimism is a fools vice
By the time you realise
Realise what is always real
You will always just be disappointed again
The failings of humankind
Hopes and Dreams hold you together
Until the formidable and eventual end
Where you are just reminded
That the darkness and failures
Have been with you all along
The false reality becomes truth yet again
Reminded of the circular motions
Of life and the foreboding end

Friend in Need

I can feel you’re struggling right now
Things that were once familiar to you have changed
Leaving you feeling a little lost and worried
Life challenges us to grow
By putting us in different situations
But if things seem too difficult
Remember, I’m your friend
You mean a lot to me
And I’m always here if you need me.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Donna Levine

Time Runs Out

Time runs out to find that special thing
The special feeling of living for someone else
I give and I give and I give
Only for it to get thrown back again and again
Pushed away like it doesn’t matter
Does one realise when they reject
Once it felt like it mattered
Like everything was treasured
The support, the caring with so much meaning
Things can suddenly change and the meaning goes away
And in the end you find yourself in the same place
Where you once were dark and alone

The Real Life

A sub-standard abyss of everything you don’t want it to be
Something people take for granted only to realise
Nothing is worth considering or dwelling on as it fails
Fails to provide any sense of meaning or any moment
That makes you feel something better than before
A continuation of the same just in different forms
Forms that look different but provide the same functionality
The same undying feeling of emptiness
And when something seemingly new comes along
It’s just a lie of what is really lying beneath
Beneath the highlighted realm of darkness itself
Are we all just plugged into a machine
Living the same unreal dream over and over again
Never realising the truth from the shadows
Maybe I have just come to realise this truth
Over the years of pain and suffering
People taken away to the other side of the lies
Who thought there was something better
They might be just plugged into a different machine
Version 2.0, the upgraded version of this lie
From old dust to new dust
Darkness to something darker
Could it be better?  I doubt it
But you won’t know until the test ends
And you either fail or pass to move onto the next test
And so we continue on as dust, energy or thoughts in the winds of eternity